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We have exactly 13 days before the start of the 2011 World Series of Poker. Every year, history is made as well as huge headlines.

While some headlines we expect, such as “Phil Ivey Wins Another Bracelet,” there are others that are just as unlikely to happen.

Here are a few headlines that we likely will not see during the 2011 WSOP.

“Aces Hold – Allen Kessler Wins First Bracelet”

Last year, Kessler was the most prolific casher at the WSOP and fell one spot short of his bracelet. Even with recently adding bluffing to his poker arsenal, this is not going to be the “Year of the Chainsaw.”

“Eskimo Clark to Host Seminar on Bankroll Management”

Several seminars will be presented during the WSOP by several pros in connection with Bad Beat on Cancer. Unfortunately, when Eskimo inquired about teaching bankroll management, someone offered him a buffet coupon instead.

He took the coupon.

“Joe Sebok Greeted at Main Event by Standing Ovation”

I still will be surprised to see Sebok even show for the Main Event, but if he does, it will not be to cheers I suspect. Maybe we can get @SrslySirius to play “The Joe Sebok Show” on his entrance.

“Bill Edler Wins!”

Yes, I am continuing my running gag against one of the largest flash in the pans in poker history not named Yang or Gold.

“Scotty Nguyen Heads Local Chapter of AA”

Tastes great, less filling baby.

“Mike Matusow to Become Tony G’s Personal Assistant”

For those of you that listened to QuadJacks Radio last night or know Matusow’s “views” of Tony G, you will know why this is funny.

and finally:

“Full Tilt Poker Begins Withdrawals to U.S. Players”

Sorry guys and gals, you aren’t seeing your money before August. Hopefully I’m wrong on this one, but it doesn’t look likely.